In the future we'll all be gay
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
