Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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