who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i think my cat just said my name.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
