Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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