Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can't put those talents on a resume
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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