i just had sex bonerless
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
