it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
