I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
