Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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