Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
