I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
