I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
