Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Bring me that man meat
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
