How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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