I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
