I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
