we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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