This is not my ceiling
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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