I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
