so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
