I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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