Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
