apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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