so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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