Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
