You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
