It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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