I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You made out with two different species that night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
