Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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