I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
