i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize