My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
