Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
