Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
