I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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