I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
