Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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