I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
