Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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