If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
