I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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