Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
