Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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