Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
