I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
