I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
