I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
