she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
