guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
