did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
