how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
