Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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