it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she peed on how many people?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
