just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
