now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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