You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
