if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so much tequila, so little girl.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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